Obey your thirst....

In my little ass crack of the world we have a term for girls that are a long way passed demure and a short way from whore. These lovely specimens of daddy issues and too much free alcohol are called "thirsties". Yes, yes, its not fair that a guy can do something and at most receive a slight shake of the head, yet when a girl does it we all but burn her at the stake but unfortunately the rules of the game dictate that decorum is gender based.


I'm not gonna bore you guys with the semantics of gender inequality, but rather i wanna burn girls at the stake (metaphorically speaking... at least in most cases! lol). My argument is that, yes we live in a very sexually charged society so to an extent the "why do girls keep doing this?" can kind of be understood. What i don't understand is when people start living their lives according to beverage slogans "Sprite; obey your thirst" and think they won't be judged.


And that really is my point; as girls we don't do ourselves any favours. So yeah, Y.O.L.O. and all that crap, but don't be too surprised when you "fuck up the only life you've got".

Ode to honesty

So today I was reminded of simple times in my high school English class, reading literature on things I had never experienced and scarcely thought about. That first kiss, the plucking of ones cherry, believing a lie, living a lie and finally pretending to know better.

In high school Shakespeare tried to show me how a man should love a woman, and tonight, reading through the lens of life’s many douchebags and tequila shots, I finally both learnt and understood about love and lies and truth.

 “My mistress’ eyes” speaks of flaws, it speaks of a love that is not distorted by illusions or naivety, a love that both knows and accepts that the other person isn’t perfect and loves them anyway.

When I read it I began to think about all the times we pretend to ourselves that people are something they’re not. We convince ourselves that our asshole boyfriends are just “complicated” or “misunderstood”, we allow ourselves to be convinced that it really is just a title and well a whole lot of other crap.

Courting in the 21^st century is all about the illusion of something more, something better. Its all about selling this dream, and we buy it (and yes, that mostly to girls and pathetic men), and its humiliating, and just foolish.

That is not love. That is a lie; and we allow it. I think the reason I like this poem is that its honest.  In a way that hurts a little bit, but its honest. No bullshit, no embellishment, no selling of dreams.

I want a guy that sees the marks left from when I had bad skin, that acknowledges the five stretch marks on my ass and can hear that I laugh like I was bred in the back of a tavern and loves me anyway.  I don’t need silly compliments or lies about the depth of a man’s feelings.

It’s sad that Shakespeare understood in the 16^th century what we are still failing to grasp: its ok to be honest with yourself, its ok not to be stupid.

And that’s what I wish every guy macking on a girl would understand (by girl, I mean smart girl without daddy issues); that it’s ok to be honest. You might get bat or a punch in the throat, but what u won’t get is problems from a one night stand that’s now doodling your name on her exam pad.

Doing You

So its been a little while since my last blog post, but when you're in a country that reminds you why it is they   call it the third world, internet like a boyfriend who doesn't cheat is hard to come by. So i took this time to drink with friends, to laugh and to renew all the things i appreciate about my character then i flung myself back  into the thick of things.

And its during that flinging phase that all our little resolutions and promises of doing better are tested. But this year i didn't make any resolutions, primarily because i suck at them. But i did make a promise, not just for this year or for when my ex boyfriend comes around selling his dreams, but for life: Never cheapen the brand.

That means never compromise, never buckle under pressure, don't make decisions that take away from who you are: in other words just do right by you. So that's the plan, do you and do it in the shortest skirt you own.

And often that means that people no longer get to be part of your story, be ok with that. We all have friends we lost in the war (a friend i lost in the war taught me that one). So ce la vie to bad men, bad decisions and bad friends. And hello to better clothes, better memories and yes, better marks (that's what varsity is about afterall) and when it comes down to it, whatever happens, just make sure your character survives it.

A glimpse behind the designer shades..

I am not really the crying, wailing, damsel- in- distress type of girl, as such being vulnerable is something i leave for the kind of people that sit on Oprah's couch. 
But while i may not have developed tear ducts yet (working on it) i thought id do something a little different this time, so here you have it: a tiny glimpse behind the wry smile.

"Words pulling heartstrings while hands grab fabric,

As breathless whispers shout words with meaningless meanings

And the layers peeled off are both fabric and infinitely more.

Hands convulate with hopes while hearts coerce bodies

As souls and history fight a bloodless war

And the fight is both won and lost and misunderstood.

Heartstrings dragging feelings while eager hands intertwine

As bodies say what mouths have silently screamt

And the sound heard is both words and exponentially more.

There is something about chemistry, something about electricity that goes beyond logic,

Something that goes beyond knowing better and being better:

There is something about the reckless abandonment of reason and rationale that speaks to the part of us that lies hidden behind propriety and social codes,

There is something that shouts and cajoles us into euphoria, into love and lust and last.

Lust lugging love crushing logic harbouring truth

As the mind concedes what the heart unknowingly knows

And the answer is incessantly more complex than the simplicity of not knowing.

That is the trick of light,

The trick of a smile and a touch and a forehead kiss,

That is the trick of life:

As simple and complicated as knowing that you do not know."

The madness that it is men

"Nice guys finish last". That is, or  at least should be, the bad boy motto. Why? Its true. The truth is, at one or other point in a girls life we all fall for that asshole who all but actually said he was an asshole (mine actually said that) while there was a perfectly nice guy who just wanted to make us happy. But thats boring right?

That i understand, sometimes you want to play on the edge, laugh a little, flirt a little, whatever. What i don't understand is why somewhere between laughing and flirting we want something more and just like that we forget who we're dealing with.

He is going to hurt you. Why? Because he's done that to every single girl before, and soon to be, including you. He will cheat on you, then after three weeks, three months or five years you will dump him and two days later he will start seeing someone better looking than you. Yes, he might not do exactly that or in that order but your dipshit is not so different from mine or any other person's so i'm willing to bet he's going to hurt you and for someone who "knew what they were doing" you'll be just a little bit too hurt, just a tad too surprised.

So what's this blog about? Men and stupidity and for once just being the one person who just says "no". Who just smiles and turns on their designer shoe and tells him just where to shove it (anywhere but in you!). If not, take a number, because thats what you are now. Welcome to "I should have known better", you live here now.

Ho's will be ho's

Ok, i get it. Its the century of short skirts, long weaves and loose morals. We're "young and wild and free" or whatever it is that we tell ourselves but there comes a time when "one too many" happens one too many times. now you might be wondering where i'm going with this because how am I -Jose Cuervo's wife -lecturing anyone about drinking? Not to worry, knock it back. Today i wanna talk about ho's. And again, no disclaimer, feel free to give me the side eye all you want! lol.

Obviously being a whore is bad for business but lets skip the whole moral aspect, what i want to talk about is that laugh out loud moment when a guy treats a ho like a ho and she gets upset.

In my usual spirited discussions with *Tequilla who also happens to be the bad boy of life (and you know girls are suckers for a bad boy) he said something quite profound: "essentially if you act like a ho you will be treated like one". Sad but true.

As girls, as women and someones future wife, we need to do better. We need to do more than just pout prettily and take shots and we certainly need to do more than rolling from bed to bed. Because unfortunately the rules are different for girls, you can't sleep with two guys on one night and expect us to hi five you, what we will do is shake our heads and cc you in a tweet about girls costing the cause.

What i'm trying to say is be careful. Know your worth and live it. If not, then please don't be surprised when he calls you to "chill" at 2 am, or when he ignores you the next day or when he tells everyone about it, because that's what you are now: something to do between chapters.

For those of us who would prefer to keep our dignities intact, the next time some barely-even-average nigga comes with his barely-even-entertaining one liners repeat after me: "Bat is for free, you can just get", then go to the bar and buy YOURSELF a drink and toast to the basic ho that is probably going to fall for it.

Oh so Lovely

I have always thought about myself as being a "Serena" fan. Not just because her legs go on forever but for those "I was meant to have a black card" moments i have every episode when Serena appears wearing sheer perfection (Two such moments below). But after looking at Blake Lively's Glamour shoot i realised that its more than just the character, its the package.

This is not a fashion blog by any measure but i thought id do something different for this post, not least because i shouldn't be the only person wondering if i missed my calling in life (Hollywood high society).. So let the drool and self-loathing begin ;)

Haters

So i'm going to go ahead and not put a disclaimer on this one, firstly because of poetic license or whatever but mostly because this is my blog and i am free to say whatever it is that's on my mind, read the "bio" - this is about the things we're thinking behind our smiles.. So essentially, love it, hate it or discuss it around the dining hall table i'm going to call it as i see it.


So today's blog is about haters. And yes, that term is more second line of a Kanye West song than i usually go for but alas, the term is kind of perfect. Just for kicks i looked up the word hater in the urban dictionary and i finally found it somewhere between no one cares and get a life. Hater is defined as being: " A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. " 


Essentially, if you spend your time discussing someone who genuinely has no interest in you, i immediately assume that you are a standard loser, that or you are incredibly bored. More than that though, i think we live in a very coddling society where people will all but actually burn you at the stake for not being "politically correct" but does that now mean we should walk around campus in sackcloth hoping that at some point everyone is going to like who we are and what we say? Please. Kindly get over yourself.


What i find even funnier than the fact that people take time out of their degrees to actually hate is the fact that more often than not the person being hated on doesn't even know they exist. Kind of awkward when you think about it huh?


So bottomline, pay them no mind. Be exactly who you are. Be fearless, be well dressed but most of all be unapologetic for it. If they can't take it, that's for them and their crappy weaves to deal with.


But then again, who are they?

All that glitters..

So I blog about lots of things: douchebag boys and stupid girls and taking shots at the bar and sometimes I even throw in a little rendition about my often screwed up life wrapped in wit and humour so that you don’t see the pain that lurks behind it. But today I’m not going to do that, because well- its just that kind of day. Because today I was faced with the beauty that comes from pain.

Its rough on the streets in 2011, its even more rough when you live in a place where life seems to be quantified in notches on your bedpost and how many gallons of beer you can consume before tottering over to have a conversation you won’t recall. And to be honest, I didn’t tackle that which as much finesse and class as you’d think.

If anything, I was too busy straightening my weave and picking my next outfit to notice that somewhere between the *Strohrum chronicles and my last shot of tequila I had become just another dipshit in a short dress.

Why am I telling you this? Because how many people get blinded by the strobe lights and one too many compliments? But even more importantly, how many people get the chance to get up, dust themselves off and do better?

You see I got lucky. I realized in time that all that glitter was not gold. And its not because I suddenly got smart or I’m just bad like that. Its because God looked at me, shook his head a little and picked me up. And I know, cool people aren’t meant to talk about God too much, because we’re meant to be frivolous and fun, but its kind of hard to speak about the atrocity that is a synthetic weave when your heart is doing the cat daddy.

Bottomline: clubs close, the music stops, the bar stops serving and he starts sleeping with your best friend. What is important is the person who wakes up the next morning  and whether you can stand her.

There comes a time when we need to stop living life like it’s a music video and simply grab our heels and sprint to a place where we know better.. where we ARE better- and besides, I’m pretty sure they have the cat daddy in heaven ;)

So for me this is more than just a blog post, this is my love letter to God and to all the people that saw me through the furnace and into all the laughter and happiness that is the aftermath. I am more than blessed.

Sidechick 101.

So i am single. By that i mean, when i go somewhere, when i drink something, when i flirtatiously smile at some random guy at the bar or dance in a ridiculously short skirt, i don't have to wonder what anyone else thinks about it. When im in a relationship however, i'm in a relationship. And that means that whole biting of the lip, twirling of the hair thing i do takes a backseat.

But what are the rules when you're the sidechick? Question 1: Why are you the sidechick (0_o) lol.

Seriously though, leaving the moral aspect out of it, what is the standard protocol when you are dating someone else's boyfriend? I would assume that you are single. Any clever side-chick knows that the same way you do not have the right to question the philanderer's behaviour, he should not be in a position to question yours.

Its always funny to me listening to a side chick being grilled by SOMEONE ELSE'S BOYFRIEND, because now, you have all the responsibilities of a girlfriend but all the rights of a ho.

But whats even funnier to me are those sidechicks who then go and fall for the sorry excuse of a man. You my dear, are screwed- pun unintended. So i thought i would save the semi- oblivious girlfriend all the heartache of listening to whispered calls at 2 am and snooping through various desperate texts by giving a few pointers:

1. You are most likely going to fall for him. My theory is that you can only hook up with someone so many times before someone (you) decides to go and catch feelings.

2.He is not going to leave her. Yes, i know, he said that their relationship is over or he's never felt this way before, he lied. Even if he didn't- he's still not going to leave her. Why? No one wifes the ho.Simple as.

3. He is going to leave you. Why? I repeat: No one wifes the ho.

So bottomline? You will always get the short end of the stick. If you can grasp that concept, you've passed the course. Class dismissed ;)