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Wednesday, 14 September 2011

All that glitters..

So I blog about lots of things: douchebag boys and stupid girls and taking shots at the bar and sometimes I even throw in a little rendition about my often screwed up life wrapped in wit and humour so that you don’t see the pain that lurks behind it. But today I’m not going to do that, because well- its just that kind of day. Because today I was faced with the beauty that comes from pain.

Its rough on the streets in 2011, its even more rough when you live in a place where life seems to be quantified in notches on your bedpost and how many gallons of beer you can consume before tottering over to have a conversation you won’t recall. And to be honest, I didn’t tackle that which as much finesse and class as you’d think.

If anything, I was too busy straightening my weave and picking my next outfit to notice that somewhere between the *Strohrum chronicles and my last shot of tequila I had become just another dipshit in a short dress.

Why am I telling you this? Because how many people get blinded by the strobe lights and one too many compliments? But even more importantly, how many people get the chance to get up, dust themselves off and do better?

You see I got lucky. I realized in time that all that glitter was not gold. And its not because I suddenly got smart or I’m just bad like that. Its because God looked at me, shook his head a little and picked me up. And I know, cool people aren’t meant to talk about God too much, because we’re meant to be frivolous and fun, but its kind of hard to speak about the atrocity that is a synthetic weave when your heart is doing the cat daddy.

Bottomline: clubs close, the music stops, the bar stops serving and he starts sleeping with your best friend. What is important is the person who wakes up the next morning  and whether you can stand her.
There comes a time when we need to stop living life like it’s a music video and simply grab our heels and sprint to a place where we know better.. where we ARE better- and besides, I’m pretty sure they have the cat daddy in heaven ;)

So for me this is more than just a blog post, this is my love letter to God and to all the people that saw me through the furnace and into all the laughter and happiness that is the aftermath. I am more than blessed.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Sidechick 101.

So i am single. By that i mean, when i go somewhere, when i drink something, when i flirtatiously smile at some random guy at the bar or dance in a ridiculously short skirt, i don't have to wonder what anyone else thinks about it. When im in a relationship however, i'm in a relationship. And that means that whole biting of the lip, twirling of the hair thing i do takes a backseat.

But what are the rules when you're the sidechick? Question 1: Why are you the sidechick (0_o) lol.

Seriously though, leaving the moral aspect out of it, what is the standard protocol when you are dating someone else's boyfriend? I would assume that you are single. Any clever side-chick knows that the same way you do not have the right to question the philanderer's behaviour, he should not be in a position to question yours.

Its always funny to me listening to a side chick being grilled by SOMEONE ELSE'S BOYFRIEND, because now, you have all the responsibilities of a girlfriend but all the rights of a ho.

But whats even funnier to me are those sidechicks who then go and fall for the sorry excuse of a man. You my dear, are screwed- pun unintended. So i thought i would save the semi- oblivious girlfriend all the heartache of listening to whispered calls at 2 am and snooping through various desperate texts by giving a few pointers:

1. You are most likely going to fall for him. My theory is that you can only hook up with someone so many times before someone (you) decides to go and catch feelings.

2.He is not going to leave her. Yes, i know, he said that their relationship is over or he's never felt this way before, he lied. Even if he didn't- he's still not going to leave her. Why? No one wifes the ho.Simple as.

3. He is going to leave you. Why? I repeat: No one wifes the ho.

So bottomline? You will always get the short end of the stick. If you can grasp that concept, you've passed the course. Class dismissed ;)