Process

They say that conviction is not tested in the promised land but in the furnace, the equivalent of this being that you won't be tested when you're feeling strong and happy and you're wearing your favourite pair of heels; you will be tested when you're feeling weak, when you're listening to a song that reminds you of him, or you're drunk and your phone just happens to be in your hand. It is then, at the moment when you should know better, when you do, that u might lose.

Yes, you'll regret it in the morning and you will know for certain that you are a loser. I'm sorry, but yes, you are a loser. And that's ok. But my own second degree burns don't just scream "another idiotic girl" they also say that i'm trying.

It's ok to be in the process, it's ok not to know better yet, but its also not ok to wallow in a place that can only bring you hurt and pain and fuck with your dignity.

That's the thing little grasshoper; wax on, wax off- process.

Obey your thirst....

In my little ass crack of the world we have a term for girls that are a long way passed demure and a short way from whore. These lovely specimens of daddy issues and too much free alcohol are called "thirsties". Yes, yes, its not fair that a guy can do something and at most receive a slight shake of the head, yet when a girl does it we all but burn her at the stake but unfortunately the rules of the game dictate that decorum is gender based.


I'm not gonna bore you guys with the semantics of gender inequality, but rather i wanna burn girls at the stake (metaphorically speaking... at least in most cases! lol). My argument is that, yes we live in a very sexually charged society so to an extent the "why do girls keep doing this?" can kind of be understood. What i don't understand is when people start living their lives according to beverage slogans "Sprite; obey your thirst" and think they won't be judged.


And that really is my point; as girls we don't do ourselves any favours. So yeah, Y.O.L.O. and all that crap, but don't be too surprised when you "fuck up the only life you've got".

Ode to honesty

So today I was reminded of simple times in my high school English class, reading literature on things I had never experienced and scarcely thought about. That first kiss, the plucking of ones cherry, believing a lie, living a lie and finally pretending to know better.

In high school Shakespeare tried to show me how a man should love a woman, and tonight, reading through the lens of life’s many douchebags and tequila shots, I finally both learnt and understood about love and lies and truth.

 “My mistress’ eyes” speaks of flaws, it speaks of a love that is not distorted by illusions or naivety, a love that both knows and accepts that the other person isn’t perfect and loves them anyway.

When I read it I began to think about all the times we pretend to ourselves that people are something they’re not. We convince ourselves that our asshole boyfriends are just “complicated” or “misunderstood”, we allow ourselves to be convinced that it really is just a title and well a whole lot of other crap.

Courting in the 21^st century is all about the illusion of something more, something better. Its all about selling this dream, and we buy it (and yes, that mostly to girls and pathetic men), and its humiliating, and just foolish.

That is not love. That is a lie; and we allow it. I think the reason I like this poem is that its honest.  In a way that hurts a little bit, but its honest. No bullshit, no embellishment, no selling of dreams.

I want a guy that sees the marks left from when I had bad skin, that acknowledges the five stretch marks on my ass and can hear that I laugh like I was bred in the back of a tavern and loves me anyway.  I don’t need silly compliments or lies about the depth of a man’s feelings.

It’s sad that Shakespeare understood in the 16^th century what we are still failing to grasp: its ok to be honest with yourself, its ok not to be stupid.

And that’s what I wish every guy macking on a girl would understand (by girl, I mean smart girl without daddy issues); that it’s ok to be honest. You might get bat or a punch in the throat, but what u won’t get is problems from a one night stand that’s now doodling your name on her exam pad.