Charcoal is closer to black

 I feel lied to. I feel lied to by cliches and movies and Adele and especially by this sense of complacency that seems to have taken root in everything. By that i mean the notion that the context of a situation should make the bottomline better.

Let me elaborate; You're a side-chick but you love him, so that makes it more ok than someone who is just doing it for the.. lets call it 'colouring'.

Personally i hate shades of grey, what i hate even more is that somewhere between my high school blazer and studying for my third year exams, i became ok with them. I hate shades of grey because they make you weak, they make excuses and compromises and the next thing you know, you dont even know where you started.

Its all shits and giggles when you get a free drink from the bartender, or get a compliment on your new weave but in the greater scheme of things what does it really matter if your weave isnt synthetic when you're a shit person.

A friends BBM status read "Don't let your reputation come at the cost of your character". I'll let you marinade in  that one for a bit and add, the "friend" has incredibly broad shoulders- naturally, we believe him.

But really though, it doesnt matter what it looks like to the outside world, who you look like. At the end of the day when you have your doek on and your make-up off, just for a moment, you know whether its black or white and if you're screwing up.

So i'm trying something new. I am calling myself to a higher standard and hopefully somewhere between all of the trying to be better, i will simply be better.

One of the boys

Women dont have brotherhood. we dont have loyalty, and even when we do, one flirtatious sms too many and we are willing to swop that for.. well whatever it is that people gain from these things.

So i suppose it should make sense to me when some girls say that they are primarily friends with men because they "dont need the drama", but i dont. I feel that- like the token black guy, in a crew of white boys- you're trying too hard to be something you're not.

In fact, let me take it further than that, i think you're trying too hard to act like you dont care that your peers (in this case girls) either dont like you, or dont notice you or whetever damage it is thats making you hide between kegs  and  being "one of the boys".

I think every girl needs a group of girlfriends. To laugh with, drink wine with and swop girly stories with. if you're lucky, like i have been, you will even find the kind you can really share yourself with, who will be both well dressed and tell you when you're not. Friends who are there for everything, good, bad and obscene.

If you would rather swop that for belching hansa pilsner then no, i dont trust you.